at last!!

woooo! I got a job at United American Insurance Company doing data entry for 10.25 an hour. It's so freakin cool too... and i'm finally away from customer's for once in my life ~_~; But anywho... times have been rough... and so much stress to deal with, but alas something good finally looks up. Also, I'll be getting an apt with my good friend Todd, his brother Talon, and Talon's Girlfriend Ceiria in a 3-bedroom place in Mckinney. So.. they have furnature for most the stuff i'm missing...and i'll be supplying the other stuff like couches and the entertainment stuff (speakers, game systems, TV)..while his parents just give us stuff..its really gonnna be great. Tabetha got to finally contact Mia... and that's like..the best shit towards good news for her i've heard in a while..I'm still worring over her...but.. at least it's more pressure that's not there (for now). Now it's time to just save, save, save, and then go on to a better life! Friends from FFXI have been beyond the words to decribe how awesome and helpful they have been in helping pull out of this mess i've been in.. as well as support from friends and family.. like my dad, mom, jasmine, preben, apollo, as well as tabetha and mary...I can't express my gratitude towards them. So.. now that i'll most likely have more time to update this..i'll keep up this circus of a ride called life..

Til next time~

The End of Final Fantasy XI

Yup, that's right.. monday morning..my account for FFXI goes up for sale! (;_;) While it sucks royally to leave the game I so charished and pumped 2.5 years of my meaningless life into.. will be departing for good. I made the mature and best overall choice imo..to sell the account and get some money until a job turns up (which is slightly looking better now)..but even if I just suspended the account..it won't keep me able to survive. I have 1 month now.instead of 2..to get money saved up and on the ball...so..needless to say i'm a little bit worried...but I seriously think it will be ok. (let's hope and see). This journal will continue..but..kinda funny considering I will no longer be playing FFXI heh. However...once I get back on my feet and settled...I'll go back playing Everques II or maybe even pick up World of Warcraft (most likely EQ2). But...supposidly I'm supposed to get $1300 for the FFXI account... which will help tremendously atm.. so that I can catch up on my bills like car payment and insurance. The rest will be saved and go towards moving into a new place. Til next time~

Ugh

well.. Jared informed me that come July, he's going out of here. So.. in 2 months...I need enough money to be able to get into a place to live..and have my bills caught up..which I don't know is even possible atm. Jared doesn't have a car to pay for, a cell phone, and insurance atm..so..he decided to give me this whole speech about "take care of your responsibilities"...and I went off on him. He has no clue what the fuck I have to deal with and pay for..so..fuck him. I'm probably not gonna go into another apt/house with him..I may go live with Mary, or contact some people that I know..to see if they can help me out.

Also.. i've made the decision that if I don't hear anything from a job place by monday i'll be selling my account on FFXI. Well...this day has gone to shit..so.. maybe later i'll talk to people..And hope i'm not homeless -.-;

Reflection

I was listening to a NIN song earlier.. (well..the one I love most.. "Right Where It Belongs")..and a certain piece of words in the lyrics caught my attention...and got me thinking pretty heavily.

[And if you look at your reflection..is it all you want to be?] now ask yourself this question..honestly, and tell me the anwer.

Now for my answer... which is no. This happens to the answer because, I know that alot of times I can be "that" much better at things. However..It's not that I want to improve for other people..but to improve for ME! (that's right.. fuck all you people that think the world bows down to your existance.) Now here is a segment of "reality check" for some people.. nothing is as it seems.. so go do some self-analysis and see what you can improve..cause NOBODY is perfect. Opinions can fly in every direction now..and i'll welcome them with open arms..but I'll be damned if someone goes on a critisism ranting...this isn't the place for it. On to some good stuff though...

Nothing still from Allen or any of the other jobs..after the numerous hours I spent today contacting all the places I applied to..to get a status update.. (/sad). Tabetha has got to be the most fun person i've probably spent time with talking to. Anything goes as a topic conversation pretty much..and it's completely awesome to find a friend that is that open to topics.. (sex, religion, education, life, politics, human behavior...everything). Mary got 71 finally on her Red Mage in FFXI (yay!~) , Tabetha got genkei 3 (limit break 3) as well.. (/praise), and as for my FFXI life.. i'm still patching lol ~_~;. I'm also excited for my mom..who starts her new job for a jewelry company in a few weeks.. (grats mom!). I also got to talk to a friend of mine, Weston, and finally catch up with him on how life has treated him.. was a good half-day. So for someone who has had alot of "Downs" from life.. my "Ups" are finally showing up.. I can only really wish for the rest of them to come around... til next entry~

Relief

Ah yes, something really good for once as of late. Tabetha tracked her letter/money that she sent Mia, and she signed for it.. so..at least we know she's alive/existant. I'm really happy for her, so I hope that she can at least talk to her and make her stop worrying so much. Tabetha will always care for someone she feels close to..and that's what makes her awesome. Sure tabetha is fucking gorgeous...but if words can describe her personality...there is none. That's how much she means to me as a friend..and no matter how much she's gonna deny that she's "nothing special"..is bullshit.

[and yes tabetha, I know your gonna read this..and still deny what I say..but I think it's the truth]

I also wish I could find a way to maybe talk to Brenda, who's been there for her as a good friend that she is. Simply to put it...because I can't (live to far away). But if I knew where she lived...I'd go to her in a heartbeat..so.. Thanks Brenda, for being an awesome person to her..you have my gratitude. I try to be as supportive to tabetha as I can..but sometimes it's just not enough.. cause being alone sucks ass..I should know (maybe it's my own fault..who knows..who cares). Alot of the times I put myself last...and put friend's in front of me..mostly cause of who I am..and how my parents raised me..but also cause it's my own damn choice to. If you don't like it..fuck you.

Anyways, I just hope that tabetha gets to talk to mia..and stop having to panic over her.. as much as she has..but that's because she loves her (if that's the right word.) As for me..well..I e-mailed city of allen again..to see how the update status goes..still nothing so far..so I'll keep hoping.. heh.

Tabetha when you read this... get some sleep please... and hope you have some non-existant stress..and hope you find some peace and a bit more happyness this week..

~til next time

Damn

Man..just when I thought maybe that Tabetha was doing a bit better..even with all the stuff going on with Mia..it seems to stress her out even more. Sometimes I wish that I could be near her..for more support..even though i'm just here. Sometimes the more concern you have for a friend puts you into a panic than you can handle..and that's how I feel most the time. I talk to her almost every night now, weather it's to just bullshit around or to have a serious talk on random topics. Tabetha seems to be one of the few people that cares for others as much as I do... which kinda explains why I can relate and talk to her with such an easy time. Damnit..I just wish there was some other way to fucking get her out of all this mess..who knows..maybe there is..I just haven't found it yet. The more I read her journal..the more concerned I get..now I guess it's time to just do what I usually do... and hence the waiting game begins.. til next time~

Sense of Reality?

Well I heard back from 3 jobs today... said I was "overqualified" (what in god's fucking name does THAT mean?!)..but did hear back from city of allen again..after an e-mail I sent in. They apparently lost all my contact info, resume, and application before..and asked me to resend an application so that they can move it along as fast as possible.. I hope for the best on that. Today I also found out that 1,792 files were damaged on FFXI so I had to reinstall.. and that's gonna take me lightyears to patch..so..gonna have to work on that soon. Tonight I spent the night in a multi-subject argument/talking session with my oh so favorite person Tabetha! We went back and forth about each other's job/money situations... general bullshit topics... Mia (that was a majority of it but it's not for discussing on here)..and cooking. All of this was going on while I messed around on my computer..for no reason. I got 100 bucks today from jasmine so that helped alot... other than that i've just been focusing on getting everything sorted out as fast as possible..and with few distractions. Bleh..i'm getting tired as of lately..so I won't really much elaberate how my day went this time.cause it really wasn't filled with that much "excitement" this time around. So until next time..

Drowning in thought

Well, talking with tabetha seems to get my mind off all the stressful things I seem to be dealing with.. why I don't know! However, maybe it has to deal with I can talk with her about shit that just deals with everyday life...and nothing really offfends her or me. She's like that.. "best female friend from next door" that you always talk to cause you can relate to almost EVERYTHING. The other night she transferred [with_teeth] via AIM.. and oh my GOD that album is the fucking SHIT! I've been listening to 1 track in particularly.."Right where it belongs" to do most of my thinking. The situations dealing with money, my job, and pretty much everything else in life seems to be setteling down... since I now know that I do have friends and family that support and care for me.. which is actually a relief..and calming (so to speak). I'll be more calmed down once I get a new job. Jasmine and Mary both are helping me out .. which is beyond awesome... not to mention my friend from FFXI.. (who knew friends from a game would carry over to outside "life"). I applied to like.. 10 places today.. in the short time I drove home from mom's house..talking with mary and listening to music.. to stay awake none the less, cause I didn't really sleep. As soon as I got home.. was kinda hoping to get a nap... but saw the food on the stove and ate..then passed out lol. When I woke up.. set up the computer.. and was able to get online shortly before this entry..and wanted to kinda talk to Tabetha..to see how she and Mia are doing..but alas..she signed on for 1 second..then logged off (oh well, another time maybe). God, why can't all this shit be over with soon... I'm gonna have to be patient though, cause then the reward will be "that" much greater in the end (or so I believe). Until next time...

Panic from Hell

Ok... i've offically paniced now... cause.. I cried. Yes, you heard me..I fucking CRIED.. call me a baby, a woman, what have you... but if you don't know what the hell it's like to be in the situation i'm in.. FUCK OFF. Well I feel better a small bit after saying that, so.. on to other things. I talked with my LS today about some of the things that's going on, and some have offered to pitch in as a small group to keep my account active..and also save me a spot in the LS for when things clear up. That was the nicest thing i've ever heard..especially from people i've only known for like..3 months? Jazzy (xyjah) also said it would not be a problem for her to pay for my account comletly, so I told her thank you, but also to let me explore my options. Mary also is going to help me out, her mom sent me some money after she talked to her.. and it took everything in me to get past my way of not wanting to borrow money.. cause I fucking HATE doing that..but at this point..I realized i had to break down..and accept others offers to help. Hopefully I can get some kind of job fast, that's reliabe and good pay too...cause otherwise i'm gonna be in deeper shit than I already am. Tabetha and I been talking alot more outside of the game.. reading her journal is just mind blowing.. and is actually more like some things i can relate to.. just wish I had the drive to speak my opinion more like she does :O. Mary also offered me a place to stay for free..and her car to use until I can get back on track. Which I would LOVE to take up on as an offer..however.. if I give up the car i have now.. Mom = screwed over credit..and that's not something i wanna do is fuck over my mom's credit. /sigh Why does all this shit have to happen NOW?! GRR. Bah.. I guess now is as good a time as ever to wrap this entry up.. until next depressing time..

Catching Up

Well... so yea..I haven't updated this thing in a while.. so..sorry for all my "fans" out there >.>
I got Ranger to 75 (yes i know i have no life now).. got my Seiryu's Kote.. best damn gloves for both NIN and RNG. (/dance). Outside of the game.. I wish i could be more happy and stable. My job is pissing me off to gods unknown end.. who knows how much longer i'm actually gonna be employed..I hope shit gets corrected..My Car payment is all out of whack.. i have almost no money.. and now my paycheck is late.. so yea.. i'm "fucked" so to speak. Tabetha made her own journal from a website..and i've been talking with her more lately..so i guess that's cool. Mary and I seem to be kinda getting away from the "temper" stages when talking. (/hurray), now if i could win the f'ing lottery my life would be complete. So let's hope all this shit ends soon and my life goes back to the way it was... until next time (whenever that is)