I hope my newly found-about nephew my sister gives birth to in January will have a great life. I also hope he replaces the utter dissapointment that I've become and am in this so called life of mine. I'm broke, jobs are hard with no FL dl, I have no food, I drink water every day, no reply from FAFSA or UCF. I'm sorry Aamanda for putting more stress on you, and if you can't pay me back.. then.. I'll just accept it. Hope I don't wake up from malnutrition and have to go to the hospital, couldn't afford that either.
posted by Jason @ 3:43 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
First and foremost, if you are a dissapointment, it is with yourself only. None of your family find you that. The only frustration is that you continually seem hell bent on blaming your circumstances with no fault of your own, as if it just happened instead of realizing that their are consequences in all that we do...for all actions. I would be blind and irrational if I tried to put my hardships on the meer fact that things weren't fair. Instead, I try to realize that I made a decision, this action took place, followed by this result and I then must take responsibility for it, whether it's embarassing, good, or hard. If you don't have a job, you have only to realize that for whatever reason, you've not resolved yourself to all openings. Jason, I know pleanty of people (myself included) where even waitressing at someplace that sucked but at least brought in some kind of income is far better than the pity bus or loosing friends over the inability to provide for yourself. A job is a job, whether it's the night shift at a gas station or waiting tables. It's not permanent and at least it buys food until a higher paying gig comes along. This is the time to swallow pride and pretense that things will just happen.
It's never easy, selldom fun, and usually requires a brash dose of humility. The question is: who are you now? who do you want to become and is the path you are on now going to take you there, and what will you sacrifice to make it happen? These are lessons that I will teach my own son, and they are ones that I am still learning. Nothing worth having is ever easily obtained or handed over. You have bleed for it, sweat, and relinquish that ever so bloody pride sometimes to make it happen. I'm more proud of the things I've gained through sheer hardwork and some rather embarrasing revelations than of anything that was ever just handed to me.
You'll get your money Jason. But damnit, if your going to feel sorry for yourself, at do so after you know you actually did something to right it first. There is no try, there is do and do not.
Do not compare yourself or your situation with others or let someone else do the same. Take stock of the situation, and be honest with yourself. "Am I truely doing all that I can? Am I really?" In the end Jas, it doesn't matter who is disappointed in you or not, who is proud of you or not, you have only yourself to answer to. Instead of being bitter and rejecting those that are trying to help by giving advise THEY LIVED THROUGH EXPIRIENCE (like dad) and thinking that they are only trying to make you feel worse, you should know it's out of concern and worry, that what they do they do because they know they cannot do this for you.
In the end, dear brother, you must come to terms with the fact that if you feel like a disapointment, if you feel failure or anything of that nature, you have only yourself to blame. We're all here for you and always have been. You have all the power and ability in the world to succeed. The question remains, how badly do you want it? What will Jason sacrifice to make it happen?
This is your time to either make it happen or not, but you've never had a bad life, no opportunities, or an ill upbringing...you've had it damn good, and all the opportunities in the world are there for you to take. Pick one and fucking do it.
Let your actions speak for once.
Believe it or not,
we love you.
In another words...
Push your limits. You draw them, you can break them and then set them further than you ever thought possible.
I am in aggrement with Amanda.
You have the ability to succeed in anything you wish to do.
The responses from funding for school will take almost a month.
Things are hard all over so do not see yourself as being singled out.
Try Jason to get creative with your skills. Heck....you could even offer to mow yards or clean houses.
Think of things that are NOT your normal avenue!
We all love you Jason. None of us are wishing to see ill happen to you.
Check with your church and see if they have avenues for employement that you did not know about.
I do recommend that you do NOT go to work for ANYONE that wants you to pay money to start a career or business opportunity.
They are usually scams at best.
Call sometime or IM me.
Love Momma
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