Human nature and science is interesting isn't it? Especially on a basis of theory for human behavior and emotions. I say this because.. I was talking to a friend last night.. when.. they brought up a topic of her close friend, who is gay (doesn't matter), that basically ditched their friendship for his new boyfriend. He started smoking and acting not like himself. I told her that he was acting with his penis instead of his heart and mind. He's stupid for it but the point I made to her is that she keeps trying to be strong no matter what. Being strong can be all fine and dandy.. knock yourself out on that one. BUT, thing is.. if anyone who has even read the slighest theory's on human behavior and science of emotions.. knows that even in the science and human world.. for every strong there is a weak. Just like an reaction there is an action, and for every positive there is a negative. Now, that also shows that people that want to show they are 'stong' per say to people.. because there is a fear of showing weakness.. means jack shit to me. People with a fucking brain can figure out this simple test of.. "how much shit are you gonna put on your shoulders til you fall down asking for someone to lean on?"

The answer? simple.. YOU DON'T. People can figure out and read others just by how they act. Social and emotional acceptance is bullshit. I say this because you can tell people to fuck off your entire life.. but knowing that people are out there just to understand how and why you feel the way you do is the key. Not about being accpeted.. if people wanna "accept" me for being something.. no matter what the fuck is.. good for them! But until they can understand me.. well.. they can eat shit too lol.

Science and even basic human actions are like a book.. they can be written based on opinons of man, moved into a state of "theory" and then placed on paper with ink and even into countless forms of matter and differnt forms of object within a daily life's occurences. BUT.. to find out what they truely mean and how they work.. well.. it's not about what some other asshole thinks and even pretends to KNOW for other people as an explination.. the answer is within yourself and in your heart and mind. Both are even because your heart contains what is the primary beliefe.. and your mind is what processes it all into a functioning action. Now then.. sure I say "some other asshole".. I can be one of them.. because I'm simply stating MY opinion.. but.. isn't it still you who decides how to take and percieve it? Think on it and then tell me.. how and who tells you what you feel.

Oooooh where do we begin now. Yesterday was father's day, I finally called my dad, and actually had a conversation without a judgmental comment coming from him. I love my dad to death.. as much as I love my mom, but there's just sometimes when people need to shut the FUCK UP. He knows it, hell he even said it. Things have gotten to a degree that my dad knows he does things or says things because he wants to see the best happen to me in life. I can't ask for more from him, because it's something small like that for which I appreciate from him and other people. I don't usually ask for much in life and try to do things on my own for ME, not for someone else. I was on the phone with my dad for about 2 hours on father's day, just having a normal conversation.. and.. it means something to me because.. I've always been one to be affraid of my dad when I was younger for some reason, but now it's grown to .. "I'll talk to you when I want to because I don't want to deal with bullshit criticism."

Well, I sold my projector for $550 after only paying $40 for it.. so that was nice. I'm selling my sega nomad/gamegear stuff on ebay as well and that has a day and a half left. I think I have a friend willing to buy my wall scrolls, so then i'm pretty much set until I need to make sure I condense all my shit into a few suitcases (need to obtain a few) so that I don't fork out $2000 to move a few boxes to Florida. Life will be good there I think, because, I'll be behind a college that I can hopefully attend to thru grants and loans or w/e I can get my hands on. I miss school and I want to go back and get my degree in computer animation/graphic design and animation. I also get to be in a new surrounding to meet new people and do some new things I haven't done before. I'm excited yet .. a little concerned at the same time! But it's a new beginning in a sort of way.. and I think it will do me good for a change of pace.

As far as FFXI goes.. I still play.. I left enfini cause of Juvian trying to make the game a job again.. and I don't want/need that. I like to have fun and enjoy my time spent on the game.. not worry about if I dont' show up or want to go to something that THEY want to have planned.. it can cancel my RL plans when they occur and so I took my leave. I was extremely upset to see that Tabetha got screwed out of her osode which she rightfully earned over that idiot Rharptwo.
I would almost go back to enfini just to bitch ... but BLAH. I hope she does ok because I worry about her so much it makes me paranoid. I read she gets raped almost and it damn near made me cry. I read her struggels with her relationships with the people she loves and cares for but almost gets a big slap to the face over the people she loves cause they can't make an honest decision for themselves to own up and love her back the same way she loves them. I just enjoy doing stuff with friends without having to worry about bs game drama for drops anymore.. because we just help each other get shit that we want and focus on having fun and doing things as friends. That is what enfini was supposed to be about. Not this crap going on now. Juvian called me the other day.. and I was surprised that he didn't ask me about when he would get his hawker's knife+1 set. I hope Tabetha get what she deserves in game and in outside life, which is an osode in game and someone that loves her as equally as she loves the other people she cares for and wants to be involved with. I hope she drops talkign to Mia period because I don't think it's worth the drama she dishes out. I know you'll probably be upset with me for saying that Tabetha since you read this, but that's my feelings, you dont' need someone in your life who causes you pain and frustration. I'm finished ranting now but til when I post again.. later~

Oh boy.. where do I begin! Lots of stuff has been happening.. yes I know.. I haven't updated in god knows how long.. sorry! Well, I got a job (so I was told) with Hewlett Packard doing sales, was going to be great.. well I did the drug test, waited for a start date based off the e-mail and paperwork I recieved. Well a month goes by.. nothing.. nada.. so I contacted them. asking if and why I have recieved nothing.. they say "oh sorry for the confusion, please fill out the I-9 immediatly.. and send it in." So I do so.. don't hear anything for 2 weeks.. So I track them down.. spam e-mails, tried to contact via phone number.. get something.. and after a month and a half I finally get ahold of someone.. "sorry the position was filled." WTF!!! So now.. i'm out of my apartment with Todd and Jared.. staying at my mom's house for a few weeks, until I move to Florida to stay with my friend Matt from High School as he attends CFU (Central Florida University) in Orlando, FL. I will have very few things except the stuff I was able to move in my car. I sold my computer desk and chair, my mini-fridge, my reciever and floor speakers, and am trying to sell my bed as well. I will be selling my projector as well to get as much as possible to live off of and replace things. Matt is going to move my things with what he can via plane or bus or delivery system.. I have to work out the details with him in a week when he gets back from his trip to visit his family in Oregon. Anyways.. yea it's gonna be different living in Florida, but it will be good for me I think. I will get to meet new people, live in an environment with technology based jobs and surroundings.. which is AWESOME for me and a great oppurtunity to get back into school where it's easier for me to be comfortable. I'm gonna miss alot of my family that's close by.. but as they say.. sometimes.. a new surrounding is good for you. I hope to get a fresh start in something new! Being by the water will probably help me sleep at night as well. Anyways, that's what has been going on... I'll post as soon as I hear from MarketSource about them getting me a position in Orlando possibly since they screwed up so badly and so that I have something waiting for me when I move there. Til next time~